My Testimony
All of my life I have longed for God. I was raised in the Episcopal Church. I was baptized as a baby at the church just around the corner from where I live today. Every Sunday my parents would drop me off to go to church. I always looked so forward to Sunday school. I went through Catechism and was confirmed in the church. I used to have such feelings of awe at the mystery of the Eucharist, the robes of the priests, and the liturgy. It gave me such a sense of God’s transcendence and like Tillich called Him, "The Holy Other". I believed in God, I just didn’t know Him. The church never emphasized being born again and converted to Christ.
As I grew up, my parents stopped dropping me off at church and I drifted away from religion. During the summer before my junior year in high school I began to experiment with drugs and eastern religions. Living in Hawaii during the 60’s was fertile ground for this sort of life direction. I became a macrobiotic vegetarian and read about yoga and meditation. Being a kid, I kind of was eclectic and simple in my understanding of spirituality but was constantly reading different Sages like Parmehansa Yogananda, J. Krishnamurdi, and C.H. Bhaktividata {founder of the Hare Krishna’s}. I did yoga every day as well as meditated regularly. All this time I was daily smoking Marijuana, Hashish, and occasionally taking LSD and Mushrooms. All were agents leading to higher consciousness in my distorted worldview.
I continued on this course throughout high school and afterward. My spiritual leanings were extremely eclectic. My favorite books were by Aldous Huxley, Carlos Casteneda {The teachings of Don Jaun}, and Baba Ram Das {a.k.a. Richard Alpert} who wrote what was to be like my Bible "Be Here Now". I moved back to Kauai in 1972 and became interested in Buddhism as well. During this time I lived in a tree house in the jungle in a commune called "Taylor’s Camp". As I studied Buddhism I learned that life was suffering, the cause of suffering was our desires, and the way to get rid of our suffering is to get rid of our desires by following the eightfold path. The more I thought about this, the worse my life got. I realized that I was full of desires and passions. There was a tremendously evil side to me full of selfishness and ego. I tried to follow Buddha’s way and instead of getting rid of my desires, they raged inside even stronger. This produced in me such a sense of despair and defeat. Consequentially I gave up my quest for enlightenment through eastern religions.
After I left Kauai, I spent six months in Mexico and continued to pursue as much fun and pleasure as I could find. Spirituality seemed very distant to me. When I came back to the U.S., I began reading a bible that my Christian sister had given me. During these years I had had many "encounters" with Christians. They seemed so at peace, so happy, and so fulfilled in their lives. They also seemed sincerely interested in my well being. The words they spoke to me about Jesus Christ were indelibly planted in my mind.
In 1974 I ended up having a "defining moment" which changed the whole course of my life. I overdosed on drugs and almost died. As I lay on my bed with a 106-degree fever I thought I saw the angel of death beaconing me. I cried out to God and asked him to spare my life. I renounced drugs and all that was associated with it. You might call it a "preconversion" experience.
The next five months were a time of soul searching and reading the Bible {this time with a clear mind!} In late December of 1974 my brother in law, Jim shared Christ with me for the umpteenth time. Something clicked in me that night. Now I know it was the Holy Spirit. I went off by myself to a bluff over the ocean where I used to go to meditate and look out over the horizon. At that moment, sobbing profusely and broken to the core, I cried out to Jesus Christ to save my soul, forgive me of my sins, and to come into my life. I t was the greatest moment of my life! I was changed! I was set free! I was born again!
It’s been almost 25 years since that day and by the grace of God, I’m still following Jesus.